Nature pictures

Pictures of nature that I've taken in the last few days.

Flowers in water and oil. And me.

Fluff on a stick

 

A bird. He was singing.

 

Sick wine-red moss.

 

 

Ett fält av violer. Man kan göra cool färgskiftande sirap på dem, blir sugen på att gå tillbaka och plocka hem lite

 

Fyr. Påminner om boken jag läser, Annihilation

 

Konstiga torkade bär jag hittade.

 

Söta små strandblommor och vacker mossa.

 

Och sist en bild hemifrån:

 

Vårt vackra rosa träd i blom.

I was up in the mast

 

This Thursday I went up the mizzenmast. I was cranked up in a swing. It's funny because the swing is just a simple swing like you have from a tree, a plank with a rope in an upsidedown Y shape. And the mast is just a whole pine tree which has been fixed up and plopped into the boat. So it's like a very technical version of just going on a tree swing.

Here is an artistic representation of when I was up there.

It felt like this song.

I got a scare on the first day of my new job. The work was fine, but listening to every person telling me how long they'd worked there - decades, lifetimes, I got the feeling, the terror of "oh my god, what if I end up working here all of my life". (No offense to them, I've just worked enough service to know my soul will shatter if I stay too long). The idea of working in service all my life makes me feel like a damp, dark water stain on an old beiging wall.
It made me want to reassure myself about my future.
I find it so hard to think of a job I want to do all of my life. So hard to see myself working in 1 field which will not make me hate my life. I took a break from my anxiety and wrote a message to a friend, and found a link to a Facebook sailing group in our old chat. There were a lot of boats that needed styrmän as crew. I realise that I like sailing, much. And I think being a styrman is a job I could actually enjoy. Yes, I would work real jobs for money doing it. But then I could go on sailing ships, tall and small, whenever, wherever I wanted to in my free time. Maybe I would even be proficient enough at sailing that I could get my own boat which I could live or travel in. Wow. That doesn't sound bad to me in this moment. I feel it might be too hands off though, maybe I'll do another boat job where you can fiddle around more.

But also, maybe there is no job that I will feel like doing for a lifetime. Maybe people aren't made to work the same job for 60 years. Capitalism has only been around for a few hundred years and whatnot. So maybe I'll switch it up a decade in :-)

Exercise is fun! - Part 1: Swimming

 Exercise is fun! 

I want to exercise because it feels good and makes me happy often. As long as I don't put pressure on myself to do it. A really not hard not rugged not macho not dangerous form of exercise spoke to me - going swimming. I'd not thought much about going to an actual pool to swim for the sake of exercise, but the idea came to me and it was nice. I went there, got changed, sat in a sauna for a while because I couldn't find the door to the pools, found the door and descended into water. The water was a bit cold but it became ok. There were a lot more people than I expected. I felt like an old lady, or a dog, swimming back and forth in 0 shapes in a chained off row of the pool. It was a bit meditative. It wasn't stressful, it wasn't painful, it was just kind of nice and odd. I'd like to do that again. I like the smell inside pools, it smells kind of surreal. I want to try indoors rock climbing. 

Dyke 👈

This is how it's felt for me to have skällsord said to me. One time that kind of stands out to me is when me and my girlfriend had been having a fun day walking around window shopping and stuff and we were just happy, on eachother, together. And we were walking on to a tram and someone said "freaks..." under their breath. That didn't make me terrified to walk around with my gf outside, it didn't make me embarrassed of who I am or anything like that. It just took away some of the sun that was shining on my skin. It made my day a little more gray. You laugh at it  because it's funny and odd. Odd to do and odd to experience, but yeah, it's a wet rag. 

The laugh at it kind of replaces the genuine joyful laugh you were having before with a cold one, like you've ate a mint

Sometimes of course it is scary, and I think a lot of emotions go solidify under the surface where I don't necessarily notice the change. Often it's just a bit of making me more critical of people. Not as ready to smile at a stranger or notice a pretty thing as we walk. A little niggling at my brain, even if we continue on our day, holding hands. They just made an itch which I can neither scratch or ignore. Mosquitos!!! Mosquitos everywhere!!!!!!! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 I wish I could cut pieces off of men and cauterize them after

Israel Palestine

It makes me so sad how people are making it seem like any criticism of the actions of Israels government is antisemitism. There are many Jews who are against what Israels government does. There are many Israelis and Palestinians who only want peace in the area. 

My great grandfather was one of 3 in his extended family who survived the Holocaust. He was an Austrian jew and managed to flee with his cousin to England. I don't consider myself very Jewish, no Jewish traditions made it through to my family, they assimilated pretty solidly. But I do look back on that part of our history often. It's a political compass for me, it's a warning tale, a bright yellow sign with a big red skull on it. It's the ultimate evil which comes from a certain line of politics. When people become rats and flies and governments become pest control. 

I'm not very knowledgeable on the history of the region, I don't know much about it further back than the 40s. But what I do see is our history being repeated again, continuing the cycle of violence. 100s of thousand of Palestinian people being talked about like they're 1 inhuman blob that wants to murder and maim. There's money involved and there's fear involved and there are old crazy men who don't want to lose power involved. Food, water, electricity being withheld. Bombs being dropped. It is ethnic cleansing. No, it doesn't look the exact same as what happened to my relatives in the Holocaust but the sentiments and actions are there. 

I'm very sorry to Israelis about the death and violence they were put through a few days ago. And I'm very sorry to Palestinians who have been put through that all the time for decades. So much death. 

I just wanted to write this because it feels like people are using our name and history in vain to serve their purposes. Many people who really do think that Israel is on the right, because of propaganda flowing everywhere. But also many people who only care about protecting jews because Israel is bringing money into their pockets or because it's keeping jews out of their country or because it's hurting arabs in the process.

How can we do this when we have had the same done to us? A country built on death and genocide creating more genocide out of our paranoia 

 This cat is very small and little. And it looks raggedy. It looks like a wet pigeon. It is on a luxurious red fabric, satin, soft, thick. If you swaddled the cat it would be very maternal looking. It would look like baby Jesus.  Pretty cute little thing, like a Honduran white bat which has landed on a rose. Little bony cat looks like it's bones could turn to dust if you press it. Very huge eyes, popping out. It is very skully. Cats have big skulls when they're small, all that's in there is hunting and eating and sleeping and so on. Stage lighting almost, he looks like he's got stage fright.He looks a bit shifty, like he was laying in an alley and someone turned their flashlight on him. Cute soft very rat like. I usually want to pet kittens but I don't feel like I'd like to pet him. Cute cat